Dear Diary,
Hello! At last we meet. Well, I'm Costanza, from Italy, I'm 19 and I have A LOT of free time. And this is where you come in handy! My free time is killing me inside, slowly and efficiently and I just needed someone to share all this.. Stuff that is going on in my head with. Because, yeah well right now I feel like me and my parents/friends are travelling on two totally different wavelengths and we simply do not understand each other's language anymore.
This is gonna bit of a pathetic sob story where I complain about myself and my life and get all depressed and stuff, but I promise I'm not gonna be like that all the time.. I can be a pretty cool person too, you know?
Anyway, back at the sob story.. July last year I finished high school, finally, and there was nothing that made me happier! I was on cloud nine and all that stuff, until September came and had to make a choice about my future and choose a university. I panicked and for a number of different reasons that I won't enumerate I ended up taking a gap year. A very sloppy one. I've been spending my days doing basically nothing from morning till deep deep at night and I see life going on without me, I see friends moving on and not being much of friends anymore, I see myself stuck here without an escape or plan B and I am so terribly TERRIFIED that this gonna be what the rest of my life will look like.
The thing is that I am 19 and scared as hell by life, I don't know what I want to do and I just can't pick a uni course without being 100% sure that is what I want to do. So I just don't pick anything, for now.
And, for now I decided that I should focus on the present or the very close future, because thinking 5-10 years ahead just freaks me out and makes me panic like an idiot. So here's my slightly late New Year's Resolution:
Think in the present, think of the now and let all the rest be.So yeah, I think I'm starting to get my life somewhat back on track. I read somewhere that holiday planning can help improve one's momentary happiness, so that's what I'm doing. Except that I am positive I will actually go on one of the trips I'm planning. Well, one is for sure happening actually, and this makes me very happy and thrills me: I am going for a month or two on the spanish Island of Mallorca to do some back-breaking voluntary work on an organic farm!
Basically, I am going to be a WWOOFer.. "But what the hell is this Cossie?" You're asking.. Well, WWOOF stands for World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms and it's basically an online thing that connects you with farmers from all over the world that need help on their farms but don't have money to pay actual workers or just don't want that kind of working people. and the whole principle that drives this association is to promote an organic, biological lifestyle that re-connects humans to Mother Nature. Pretty cool huh? Well.. I think it's cool.. Hahah.
So yeah, in February I will probably leave and damn i'm excited!
As for now.. lots of planning! And I'm trying to get out of the house more. One thing I learned in these past months was to be okay with being in company of only myself, as my friends were always too busy to meet me and cheer me up. So yeah, I'm not that dead scared of myself anymore, and I feel somewhat comfortable in going on bike rides or hikes by myself. It's actually not that awful as one thinks...
Anyway, I better get going now, I have a life to live and I don't wanna waste it being scared of everything. I've already hit my rock bottom, I think, so from here it's only going to be up and onward hopefully!!
Talk laters pal.
Costanza xxx
